Faithful Paradox

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of restoration. I think for me, I am realizing that there are a lot of ideas and words that float around Christian sub-culture that sound really amazing, but when I sit down and really chew on what the ideas mean, I realize I can’t actually put my finger on it. I can certainly understand pieces of the concept, but I find in recent days I ask myself often, “How does this apply to me? What does this mean in my own life?”

As I press into this space and try to consider restoration according to God’s word, my mind immediately goes to Job. God allowed everything that Job had to be taken from him; his children, his wealth, his health. The life he had and loved was totally erased in a series of horrific, God-ordained tragedies. Yet at the end of the book of Job, we see that God restores to Job what was lost, two fold. He gave him 10 more children and twice as much wealth as he had before. An excellent picture of restoration and a happy ending to a tragic story, right? Or maybe not.

I think the story of Job shows us a partial picture of restoration. As I think about the word “restore” what comes to mind is to bring something back or return it to its former condition. It’s this idea of replacing what was lost, and often the idea is that it’s as good, if not better than it was before.

Often, in our wester culture, the hope is that God’s restoration will look like a one-for-one. You lost one job but you got an even better one. You faced financial ruin, but God replaced that with even more wealth. You were sick and God healed you to a place of even greater health. You lost a relationship but found something even sweeter. Often, the hope is that God’s restoration is that he will restore the things we’ve lost and give us even more abundantly than what we had before. We see this to a certain extent in the story of Job. Often, our ideas of restoration seems to center around tangible, measurable things. But is this the restoration the Bible actually talks about?

If we only consider restoration along the lines of the tangible or measurable, then it’s easy to see God’s restorative work in our pains. But what about things that are not so easily measured? What about when loved ones die? What does restoration look like in these spaces? What about the times that the things we desire to be restored are not? Does that mean we have not experienced God’s restoration?

Considering Job, I think for years I read the end of his story and I naively assumed that all became right in his world because yes, much was lost, but God restored double to him so surely he must have lived out the rest of his days with ease and joy. Yet the truth is, all that he lost was still part of his story. He was a changed person because of what he walked through. Simply because God replaced the tangible, measurable pieces of his life that were lost, I don’t think those things represent full restoration.

You see, despite having 10 more children, I imagine Job spent the rest of his life grieving the children that were lost. The children who died were not restored to him. The new children that God blessed him with did not replace the old.

I also imagine there were pieces of his life that dramatically changed after the loss he experienced. His marriage had to be different. Grief and loss changes people and I imagine there was a lot of work to do in restoring relationship with his wife after she encouraged him to curse God and give up on life.

There is also the reality that simply having his wealth restored was no replacement for the trauma of all that he walked through. I imagine it made his standard of living the same, or better than it was previously. But he still had all the grief of loss and trauma that he had to work through.It is not simply that because God restored his wealth, the pain that came with the loss of his former life was forgotten. The new did not replace the old. While all these pieces of partial restoration are beautiful mercies from God, if we only consider restoration as tangible replacements of things that were lost, I think we miss what God has for us.

Could it be that true restoration – at least here on earth – could sometimes involve tangible things, but is more about how we are changed through the things God allows? What if restoration is more about our view of and relationship with God and less about the things he gives us? What if it’s more about having a deeper understanding of and affection for God and any tangible gain we obtain is just an added mercy in the process? What if the restoration of God does not have as much to do with what was lost, as it does with how we are changed through the loss?

Job was changed through his suffering. He experienced a profound and deepening trust of who God was. He began to value the things that God valued more and more. We can see even a small glimpse of this in the fact that in the last chapter of Job, his daughters (and not his sons) are named in the text and then given an inheritance, both things which were culturally radical at the time. God has always deeply valued and championed women. Now Job does the same.

Job grew in his understanding of who God was; his power and might. Job never received an answer to any of the questions of why God allowed such tragedy in his life. God’s answer to Job’s questions was simply to reveal more of himself to Job. Job was humbled through his experiences. He became a more contrite worshipper of God. He became a man less concerned about his goodness and more concerned about his holiness. He became a man content with the sovereignty of God, even when he didn’t understand his ways.

God’s restoration is not simply about giving back lost possessions or relationships or even living more full lives. When we think about Job, if we think that the restoration in his life was about God giving him children and wealth once again, I think we have misunderstood Godly restoration, or at the very least, not understood it to its fullest. Job’s greatest restoration was a restored relationship to God. And if that is the case for Job, I think it’s the same for us.

As I pray about restoration and what that looks like for me in this new year, I think the thing that comes to mind is that restoration is different than I hoped. Restoration will not necessarily look like receiving back time or people or resources. While this can certainly be a part of God’s mercy in the process of restoration, I think often it is more about considering how God has changed me because of what he has allowed in my life.

What has changed in me? How have I begun to better understand who God is through the roads I have walked? Have some of the wrong views of God that I have long-held been deconstructed? Have I, like Job, become more humble and contrite in spirit due to loss? Have I recognized the power and mystery of God as I try to dust off the ashes of loss? Have I begun to love the things that God loves even more and hate what he hates with a greater ferocity? Do I long now for heaven more than before? Has this earth and everything it has to offer lost its luster and become more fleeting and less lovely? Have I, like Job, become less concerned about being good and more enamored with becoming holy? If so, then I think I can say with confidence that I see the restoration of God at work. I see the ways in which the loss and pain endured at the hands of God has stripped me of loving this world. It has increased my affections for Christ and the work he did on my behalf, dying on the cross to restore me to the Father.

If I’m honest, despite seeing changes in myself and my understanding of God, I wish restoration were different. I wish it meant that everything was made right; that loss was restored one-for-one. I wish I could see it today; understand it today. The truth is, the things God has restored in me don’t feel as good to me as it would to hold my son again.

The amazing news, however, is that one day, because of Christ, that will be the reality! One day, all of this work on my character, all this toil and struggle, all this pain and confusion will be understood. One day, the restoration I long to see will be complete. One day.

For now, however, “we see in a mirror dimly” (1 Cor. 13:12). For now we cannot see God clearly. We cannot understand his ways. We can see glimpses of restoration that feel more like placations than answers. One day, however, we will see him face to face and when we do, restoration will be full. Some of the last words of the Bible are Jesus promising, “Behold, I am making all things new’” (Revelation 21:4-5). Just a little longer and we will see full restoration. I’m thankful for this hope.