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Learning Expectancy Without Expectation
I recently listened to an interview with a woman who differentiated between having expectations of God and remaining expectant. Having expectations of God often implies anticipating a specific outcome, forcing God’s faithfulness to fit within the bounds of our own definitions. Remaining expectant, however, means focusing on who God is, trusting his character no matter… Continue reading
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10 Things That Are Different Than What I Expected
Originally posted February 25, 2025 As I continue to walk this unexpected, undesired road of loss, there continue to be things I simply did not understand or expect. I have written previously about things I thought I knew that I simply did not know; or at least I did not understand it to the depth… Continue reading
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Four Years
Today marks the close of four years. Four years of life without Ezra. Four years of learning to live after devastating loss. I know the Bible says that, “with the Lord, one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day,” but for this mom who still walks the earth, I… Continue reading
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The Cyclical Nature of Grief
I find my heart is in a very sensitive space these days. Next week will close out 4 years now without Ezra. As I stepped into September, I felt a heaviness settling in; a sense of tender grief stirring once again. Grief is strange because in many ways, not only do you grieve what was… Continue reading
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Prayer Is Never Wasted
I have been in a long season of feeling rather stuck with some aspects of prayer. Deep, heart-wrenching disappointments, answers from God that were radically different than I hoped, have left me in a place where praying with faith in certain areas has felt difficult. A pessimism has settled into my heart that, at times,… Continue reading
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Healing Is A Process
The end of this month, September 29, will mark the close of four years now without Ezra. In many ways, four years feels accurate. In other ways, it feels surreal, like it’s been half that time. I wrote last week about what healing has looked like for me; that although it has no metric, there… Continue reading
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There Is No Metric for Healing
After my post last week about my own healing which came rather quietly, I had someone reach out and ask what healing has looked like for me. I appreciated the question. It provided the opportunity for some introspection; what does it mean to actually heal after loss? It’s challenging to consider because healing doesn’t always… Continue reading
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Healing Came Quietly
When we first lost our 18 year old son to cancer, the grief was so acute, so intense, I was unsure I would ever heal. I could not fathom a day when the pain did not feel crushing. I could not grasp a time would come where I did not feel overwhelmed with sorrow. Those… Continue reading
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We Raise Them to Leave
We leave today to drop our middle-born son off at college. Although we have launched kids before him, there is a tender grief that arrives with each exit; a sort of reckoning that comes with the end of an era. When I first began having children, I did not consider the goal of mothering was… Continue reading
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When God’s Plans Seem Inconsistent With His Promises
I recently interacted with someone who has walked away from their faith. They have endured a long season of pain and suffering and the God they thought they knew did not respond how they had hoped. This time of testing and their disappointment over what God allowed has caused their heart toward him to harden.… Continue reading
Learning to trust God’s goodness as we wrestle with the sorrows of life.