Faithful Paradox

I have found that a very real and oftentimes difficult piece of faith is what to do when I have questions about God’s plan. Scripture is clear that questioning God is sin and produces bad fruit. It can lead to the derailing of faith if the questions we have about God are not answered by him or at least not in the way that we had hoped.

Yet as humans, there are things that we see and experience that are hard and confusing. Scripture says that Jesus is only kind, only good, and only loving, yet the pain of the sorrows we endure can be compounded when our experiences of who we thought God said he was clashes with the reality of living in a sin-wrecked world. How is it that a good, kind and loving God allows such heartache? Where was the protection that God has promised? Why would God allow such horrific events in the lives of his beloved children?

These questions and doubts begin to sneak into our hearts and minds. God, I thought you said you were good, but this sure doesn’t seem good. God your word says you are in control of all things, but this sure feels out of control.

The truth is we are human and as much as we want to trust God in all his ways, as much as we want to surrender and believe in his goodness no matter the pain that meets us, questions will arise. Doubts will sneak in on this oftentimes difficult road of faith.

What do we do when we have doubts and questions? Do we simply slap on a smile and give some anecdotal statement? “God is good all the time!” This rarely affects a broken heart. As imperative as it is to fight for truth and good theology, the reality is that questions will come.

As we watched Ezra suffer for so many months and then lost him, questions began to surface in my mind. God, why? Where are you God? Where is your goodness?

There is tension as a believer because we know that we are not to question God. His word says he is good. His word says he is kind. His word says that he is loving in all things. Yet it’s hard when the trials of life come and the things we experience do not feel good, kind or loving. It’s the age old problem of trying to learn how to reconcile the truth that we have an all powerful God with the reality of evil and suffering in the world. It’s hard to know how to process those questions.

When we lost Ezra, we had so many questions (and if I’m honest, I still do). My husband would often say, “It’s not that I’m questioning God. But I have a lot of questions for God.” This was so helpful for me in processing my grief.

When I was tempted to question whether or not God was actually good, turning the question of God into one for God: God, I know you are good but where can we see your goodness in this mess? When I was tempted to question God’s love, turning that into a question for God rather than one of God: God, your word says you are loving. Where is your love in this pain?

I think the pattern we see throughout Scripture is this: it is not honoring to God to question him, but he invites us to have questions for him.

As I consider Scripture, I can’t help but wonder if we see this in the Gospel of Luke when the angel Gabriel makes his visits to Zechariah and Mary. I’ve always found it curious that both Zechariah and Mary seem to have a very similar response to Gabriel, yet God’s response to them was radically different.

When Gabriel tells Zechariah that he will have a son, he responded, “How shall I know this? For I am an old man and my wife is advanced in years” (Luke 1:18). Mary’s response to the same angel’s visit was very similar; “How will this be since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:34). Almost identical responses, and yet Zechariah was given 9 months of silence to consider his words. Mary was not.

While we cannot know their hearts, I can’t help but wonder if Zechariah’s heart was one that was questioning God whereas Mary was one who had questions for God. Was Zechariah’s heart expression, “How is this possible? I mean, I know he’s God, but my wife is old. There’s no way you can do this.” It is speculation, but I can’t help but wonder if God’s response to Zechariah was born out of Zechariah’s doubting God’s power, his ability, his character, or his promise?

If that was the case with Zechariah, was Mary’s question more of one of awe? “God, how can this be? This is too wonderful to consider!” Was the posture of her heart one that was not questioning God, but rather, she had had questions for God? It’s speculation, but I think it’s plausible.

As I have worked through grief, this has been a helpful differentiation for me. As I have so many questions and continue to work through grief, pain, doubt, anger and so much more, it’s helpful to consider, am I questioning God? Or is it simply that I have questions for God? Questioning God is a dangerous path to walk. It’s not honoring to him, it’s sin, and it can derail our faith. On the other hand, we see throughout Scripture that we are encouraged to have questions for God. He has no obligation to answer them, he may not, but we see over and over, the servants of God asking him questions.

“How long, O Lord, will you forget me forever?” David – Psalm 13:1

“Pardon me, my Lord, but how can I save Israel?” Gideon – Judges 6:15

“O Lord, how long shall I cry for help and you will not hear? Why do you make me see iniquity and why do you idly look at wrong?” – Habakkuk 1:2,3

“Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?” – John the Baptist – Luke 7:20

“My God, why have you forsaken me?” – Jesus – Mark 15:34

The list could go on and on. The pattern we see throughout Scripture, however, is that God is patient with our questions for him. Simply asking questions of God is not the same as questioning God. Trying to understand is not the same as doubting who God is.

It’s been helpful for me to remember this. It’s been helpful as I continue to work though grief and loss to remember that God invites us to ask him questions. He does not disdain us as we wrestle. Often, these questions for God are ways that God reveals more of himself to us.

As we have questions for God, he is not bound to any promises to answer us, but he delights in hearing from us and I think he delights in holding us close as we struggle with our questions. I’m grateful to have a God who allows us to approach him with questions in our pain.