Faithful Paradox

A piece of grieving that I did not anticipate are the moments when jealousy pops its ugly head into the picture. It’s hard. When I hear that someone prayed something I too have prayed and God’s answer was, “yes” to them, yet I received a “no” from God, it’s hard. It does not diminish my joy for the other person, but it does increase the sorrow and confusion in my own heart; even if it’s only for a moment.

It’s hard when we pray for healing and receive a “no,” while others pray for healing and receive a “yes.” Maybe it’s not healing, but rather the restoration of a relationship. Maybe it’s financial provision or a door you prayed would open but it did not. Maybe you’ve prayed for an open womb and friend after friend receives a “yes” to that prayer and yet you’re still living in the “not yet” or “no” of that pain. As much as we rejoice with those who rejoice, our hearts still weep for our own pain, our own loss, our own confusion. It’s the age old question of why God says yes to some and no to others.

As I think along the lines of the “no” and “not yet” answers of God, I found myself in Acts 3 this week. There is, “a man lame from birth [who] was carried daily [to] the gate of the temple” (Acts 3:2). The man was more than 40 years old (Acts 4:22) This man, lame from birth, was brought daily to the temple for years, possibly decades, to beg for alms.

There was only one temple in Jerusalem and looking at the gospels, the man in Acts 3 is begging on the same temple steps where we see Jesus many times in Scripture. Mary and Joseph brought Jesus to the temple shortly after his birth (Luke 2:22). Jesus was found at the temple when he went missing as a boy (Luke 22:41-52). There are several narratives of Jesus cleansing the temple (Mark 11:15-18, Luke 19:45-47, John 2:14-16). John 5 shows that Jesus healed a man who was lying by the sheep gate, which was an entrance to the temple. Over and over, we see that Jesus was at the temple.

I can’t help but wonder if Jesus walked past this man on his many trips to the temple? The man was more than 40 years old and had been brought daily to the steps. I can’t help but wonder if Jesus saw him; maybe walked right past him? I would imagine that the lame man knew of Jesus; had at least heard stories of how he healed, “every disease and affliction among the people” (Matthew 4:23). How, “he cast out the spirits with a word and healed all who were sick” (Matthew 8:16). I can only imagine he heard about the times Jesus, “healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons” (Mark 1:34).

I know it’s speculation and there is no way for us to know with certainty given the details in Scripture, but it’s probable that Jesus walked past this lame man. If this suspicion is true, I wonder if the lame ever hoped that maybe Jesus would see him; would heal him too? I wonder if he was ever disappointed that he heard of others who were healed but as Jesus walked past him, he just kept moving. I wonder if Jesus did see him and if he did, I imagine he had compassion for him. I wonder if he wanted to tell the lame man, “Not yet, my son. Not yet.”

It’s interesting to consider that this man’s time to be healed had not yet come when Jesus was on earth. God, who has, “determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place” determined that the time for this man to receive healing was not at the physical hands of his own son, but rather, at the hands of Peter and John (Acts 17:26).

To be clear, this man did not ask for healing. He did not seem to expect it. Much of what I have written is simply my own speculation and wondering about this scene we find in Acts. But if my imagination were to prove true, I think it says a lot about our prayers that are met with “no” and “not yet.”

Jesus, who healed all who were brought to him, could have healed this man lying on the steps. It was consistent with who he was, what he did and how he loved. If he saw the man and passed him by, it had to be with intention. It was not because Jesus was hard of heart or unwilling, but rather, it was because God had a different plan and purpose for this man that would make more of the glory of God.

You see, God used this man’s healing to point to his ongoing power. He used this man’s healing as the launching pad for Peter’s ministry. Peter, the one to whom Jesus said, “on this rock I will build my church” (Matthew 16:18). He used this man’s healing as the opening line for Peter’s first sermon; a sermon after which about 5,000, “heard the word and believed” (Acts 4:4).

Had Jesus seen this poor, paralyzed man on the steps and healed him, the man would have rejoiced because his life was changed; his health was restored. It would have been a beautiful testimony of the compassion and power of Jesus to heal. Because Jesus didn’t heal him immediately, but rather allowed God’s intended plan to prevail, God used the man’s story as a launchpad to the place where thousands came to saving faith. God’s power was revealed in a magnificent way. The ministry of another was launched and the glory of God was made manifest.

I don’t know if the lame man saw or knew Jesus before his healing. I would assume he knew of him, but once he was healed, he experienced the power of God. And many others did too. I can’t help but wonder if maybe, as we see others receive “yes” to prayers of which we long to hear the same, if we can be encouraged by this lame man’s story.

Maybe God’s “no” or “not yet” is because the place that will most display his power and glory in your life is not in answering “yes” right now, but it’s down the road in a way you did not expect. Maybe God’s power in and through your story will be seen in a more magnificent way as you wait and grieve, watching those around you receive answers that you long to receive.

As hard as it is for me to consider, Ezra’s story and the faith he professed until his last breath touched far more lives than had God allowed him to live the normal life of a teenager. The last I looked, he had almost 171,000 visits to his Caring Bridge page. His story is written full of faith and sorrow, hope and tears and it proclaims the goodness of God despite the pain. I know people have heard the good news of Jesus because of Ezra’s suffering; likely far more than had he never gotten sick. If I’m honest I still hate the story God chose for us; it still hurts. I still feel confused and many days are still filled with pain and sorrow. Yet maybe more of God’s glory was seen through the suffering and loss than would have ever been seen in a life lived with less pain.

Maybe God’s plan is to show us more and more of himself through the times his answer is “no.” Maybe the times of waiting that feel impossibly hard and confusing are creating a picture for others to see more of God’s glory. Maybe the “not yet” of God is because of what he’s accomplishing in you as you wait in darkness and God knows that the good work he is doing in you is far better than an immediate answer to prayer. I don’t know. It’s hard when God says “no” or “not yet.” It’s hard to understand. It hurts. It’s painful to feel like Jesus sees you and passes you by, but maybe it’s that God has something more glorious planned that will reveal more of his power and might. Maybe as you wait, as you feel passed by, as you sit in the confusion of why, God is unfolding a part of your story that will reveal far more of his glory than were he to answer “yes” today.