Faithful Paradox

My pastor-husband just finished preaching a short, five week series on the book of Ruth. One thing I love about the word of God is that it is indeed active and living (Hebrews 4:12). I have read the book of Ruth many times, even studied it in depth, yet going through it this time was quite different for me. While God’s word does not change, my understanding of it grows and the layers of things God communicates through his word changes with seasons of life.

I love God’s word because it is full of people who fail. It is full of people who struggle and wrestle, who question and doubt. It is full of people who, in many ways, normalize the fact that faith can feel hard. It teaches us that we will stumble along the way. It also shows the faithfulness of God despite the failings of his people. This is true in the book of Ruth.

I have always read the book of Ruth through the lens of God’s redemption of Ruth. It is commonly assumed to be a love story. Yes, there is devastation but there is also a kinsman redeemer, all pointing to Christ. I imagine it has much to do with the season in which I find myself, but never before have I picked up so acutely on Naomi’s grief. Never have I had such compassion for Naomi, nor understood even a small piece of the heartache she experienced. The story of her redemption is prominent in the book of Ruth, and yet it is a storyline I have never really noticed.

As I consider the story of Naomi within the book of Ruth, I think there are five lessons about the journey of grief we can learn.

1. Grief and Loss May Veil God’s Goodness

God’s goodness in our lives does not change, but our ability to see and experience it does. Naomi faced Job-like loss in her life. She left her homeland and traveled with her family into a pagan, idol-worshiping land. She lost her husband and then both of her sons. In her words, she “went away full… and the Almighty brought calamity upon [her]” (Ruth 1:21). In her sorrow, she gave herself a new name: Bitter.

For a season, Naomi was a broken, grieving, bitter woman. Her grief formed her. It shaped who she was and also how she viewed God. All that was dear to her had been torn from her hands and in her grief, she could not see the kindness of God. Despite the fact that God sustained her, provided for her during a famine, gave her a daughter-in-law that remained with her as a companion and devoted friend, her sorrow blinded her from seeing God’s continued kindness to her.

It is often the same for us. Our grief shapes us. Our most painful moments often cause a certain measure of self-focus. In our most broken places, there are times we cannot see past our own pain and this will always blind us from seeing God’s greater plans. We may miss the ways he is using even the small things in our lives to direct our hearts to him. We see this in the life of Naomi and I think we can encounter it as well.

I experienced this when we lost Ezra. I knew that God’s kindness had not changed, but in my pain, I could not see it. My eyes were veiled by my sorrow. While I could certainly practice speaking what was true of God as a discipline, the kindness of God did not seem to reach or affect my heart. I could only feel pain.

Often, when we are in the midst of deep grief and loss, our sorrow and pain will blind us to seeing and experiencing the kindness of God. It is not that God’s kindness has changed. It is simply that we cannot understand it.

2. We May Believe Wrongly About God

I have found a lot of comfort in my sorrow in God’s word: specifically in the book of Job and now the book of Ruth. Both Job and Naomi show us that in our pain, we may believe wrongly about God.

Naomi accuses God of testifying against her; of bringing calamity upon her. She uses the name “The Almighty” for God, which is an impersonal term for God. She is angry, hurt, confused and bitter (Ruth 1:21).

We see the same of Job. Despite so much of Job’s response to God being honoring, he also accuses God of being unjust and withholding protection from the innocent (Job 9:22-24). He accuses God of attacking him for no reason (Job 16:9-14).

As I said, I have found comfort in reading these narratives. For me, it has normalized the confusion we may experience about God when we face loss. In my sorrow, in my pain, in my confusion, I too have wrongly accused God. I too have been angry with him, despising his plan. I too have questioned him and believed wrongly about him. What I see in both the lives of Job and Naomi is that in our pain, we may say things towards and believe things about God that are simply not true.

3. God is Exceedingly Gracious and Kind

Both Job and Naomi believed and spoke wrongly about God, and in their pain they accused him of things that are simply untrue. I have done the same. What we see of God in this, however, is that he is exceedingly kind, gracious, and quick to forgive.

I do not advocate wrongly accusing God or lashing out in anger against him. I have repented of my wrong words and heart postures that flowed out of my pain. Simultaneously, we learn a lot about the kindness and patience of God when we both study and experience deep grief in the Bible. In her pain, Naomi spoke out against God and he was patient with her. He is also patient with us in our pain, our doubt, and our wrong beliefs. God is quick to forgive.

While I am no proponent for one being insolent towards God, the beginning of lament is learning to pour out our hearts before God. In our sorrow, our hearts can be full of pain, confusion, and grief. There may be anger at God, anger about his plans, or anger about what he has allowed. God knows the fullness of what is in our hearts. God is gracious always, but I have experienced his grace more fully in my loss and grief as I have learned to lament. Like bitter-Naomi, I have experienced the the kindness and patience of God in my sorrows.

4. We Experience the Loving Kindness of God Through His People

In the midst of her pain, God gave Naomi the gift of Ruth’s friendship. Ruth is a beautiful picture of what it is to walk with someone who is facing loss. When Naomi accused God of being unkind, of testifying against her, Ruth simply walked with her. She did not bring correction to Naomi in her sorrow. She simply clung to her. I think those walking with others in their sorrow can learn a lot from Ruth.

While there are certainly times that bad theology and wrongly held views of God need correction, there are also times in which we are simply commanded to weep with those who weep. Often as we sit with others in their pain, we desperately want to bring comfort or even correction to wrongly held beliefs. In our desire to comfort, we can be quick to offer verses to try to placate or we may wrongly assume that if the sufferer can simply see God’s character or think rightly about him, it will lessen the pain. This is not always the case.

Often the grief we face in this life is excruciating. Knowing that this life is not the end does not lessen the pain we experience. There can be hope in the midst of the pain, knowing that one day we will see full redemption. For now, however, grief is not removed, despite the promise of redemption. It seems Ruth understood this truth. She brought no correction to Naomi about her bad theology in the moment. She simply let Naomi express her grief.

God showed his loving kindness to Naomi through the gift of Ruth’s friendship. He can do the same for us in our sorrow. I have found that God’s people have, at many times, been a balm to my weary soul. They have shown me a picture of who God is in the midst of sorrow; a very present help and comfort.

5. God Is Always Up To More Than We Know

As followers of Christ, we know that God is always at work. John Piper says that, “God is doing 10,000 things in your life and you might only be aware of three of them.” This is true and brings a certain measure of hope. Simultaneously, this knowledge does not lessen the grief we experience. Our grief is not over simply because we know that Jesus is at work. Does it bring hope in the midst of loss? Absolutely. But it does not lessen the pain we experience.

I am reminded that despite the fact that Jesus knew he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, he still wept. He felt the pain of those around him and truly experienced the sorrow that comes with living in this broken, sin-wrecked world. He knew what joy was about to come, yet he still wept. His knowledge of a future hope did not lessen his weeping in the moment. I think it can be the same for us.

God was at work in the life of Naomi. He did not leave her. He gave her a redeemer. She saw redemption; at least in part of her story. She began the long process of healing. She did not remain bitter. In all of this, God was also up to far more than she could understand.

God was orchestrating the line of David through Naomi’s story; something she never knew. He was writing a story of redemption. Naomi, “died in faith, not having received the things promised” (Hebrews 11:13). She knew God had promised a Redeemer. Little did she know that through her painful story of loss, God was fulfilling his promise.

It is often the same for us. We will see small pieces of redemption in our pain here on earth, yet often the redemption we see does not feel “worth it” compared to the pain we’ve experienced. With time, we are able to see small ways in which God might be working; writing a new story. It is not likely, however, that we will see the full scope of what God is doing until one day when we are with him. In this, our grief is not removed. It is still present and painful. Yet knowing that one day redemption will come can help bring hope in the midst of the grief we experience.

We all, like Naomi, have pieces of our stories that we wish God would have written differently. We all understand disappointment in the confusion of loss. We know that we will never escape grief in this life. Because of Christ, however, may we also know that our grief cannot escape God’s redemption. In this, there is hope.