Faithful Paradox

I come from a family comprised mostly of adventure seekers. Whether it be parachuting from a plane or hanging from the side of a mountain on a Via Feratta, the search for the next rush of adrenaline is often on their minds. The day God was handing out adventure genes, however, I was given a significantly diminished portion. The thrill I find in exploring a new grocery store more than fills any longing for adventure that exists in me.

With having little need for an adrenaline rush, it’s rather shocking for me to remember that in college, I worked as an instructor on a high ropes course. It was not a position that I sought, but rather, it was one to which I was assigned and my pride at the time would not allow me to decline the role. I didn’t want my teammates to know that I was terrified of heights and had very little interest in rappelling down a rock face. So instead, I slapped on a facade of courage and clung to the ropes that held me with every bit of strength I had, hoping all the promises made about the strength of the ropes and the safety of the harnesses were actually true.

I’ve thought a lot about those days working on a ropes course recently because in many ways, faith has felt much like holding onto that rope, hoping it holds. C.S. Lewis wrote, “You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it?”

I was told the rope would hold, but it was not until I had to test it by rappelling down a rock face backwards that I believed it was true. Likewise, it is not until our faith is tried that we truly learn that the “tested genuineness of faith – more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7).

There are times that we go through pain so excruciating and confusing that it makes no sense when faith remains, yet it does. There are times we feel as if God has left us disappointed and confused. He could have intervened and he chose not to. He could have stopped any series of events yet he allowed them to proceed. Beyond that, because we walk the paths we do, we know that the suffering endured is actually part of God’s intent and plan. This is a painful reality to embrace.

In the midst of this painful wrestling, however, hope can rise as we begin to see the truth of God’s promises at work in our own lives, despite the sorrow endured. The tested genuineness of faith is seen when we find ourselves holding onto God, believing him at his word, even when it doesn’t make sense. It’s confidence in knowing that even when we can no longer hold on, God is faithful and holds us still. It’s fighting for right belief despite the fact that we feel disappointed in who we wanted God to be. It’s looking for what is true even when we feel disillusioned in faith. It’s hoping for healing, even when the pain of loss and grief remain. When there seems to be no point in keeping the faith and yet faith remains, that is when the true, tested genuineness of faith is found, all to the praise and glory of God.

This is the true paradox of faith: despite there being grief and disappointment, even in times of belief without certainty, God can cause a deeper, more beautiful faith to emerge. As the sorrows grow deeper and the groanings become louder, God holds his children all the closer and pieces of faith that used to seem murky or unclear become more beautiful and less complicated.

In the midst of suffering, God holds you as your faith is tested. He has promised he will not let you go. He has promised that, “when you walk through the fire.. the flames will not consume you (Isaiah 43:2). You may walk out smelling like smoke, covered in ash and feeling as if your lungs cannot take in air, but as you are tried by fire, be confident that what will also emerge is a more beautiful faith that has been tested and proven true. Even though you have faced unbelievable pain and loss, if you still believe, then in part, God is using whatever trial you are facing to show you the tested genuineness of your faith all to the praise of his glory. If you can trust him for this, you can trust him for every promise he has made.