Faithful Paradox

There have been many times throughout my life that I have prayed for healing for someone who is suffering. Often, my prayers have been: “God, wouldn’t your healing of this person bring you so much glory? Wouldn’t it point to your power and your mercy if you were to draw this person from the jaws of suffering and death? Wouldn’t it put your power on display to do what doctors and healers have been unable to do?”

I prayed this many times over as I prayed for God to heal Ezra from the cancer that ravaged his body. We prayed that God would heal him until his very last breath left his body; hopeful and believing that God might give us the miracle for which we were pleading. When he didn’t, I stepped into a season of confusion and deep sorrow. Wouldn’t it have brought God so much glory to heal Ezra when all hope was gone? Wouldn’t it have shown his power and might to every person in the sphere of his care?

These questions are fair ones to ask. From our limited human understanding, it seems that when God brings healing to a space where no human effort could, it shows the glory of God; and it does. It shows that God is able to do anything that pleases him. Why is it then so often that our prayers for healing, when there seems to be no hope, are met with “no” or “not in the way or time you were hoping”?

Despite the fact that these are prayers that could display God’s power, despite the fact that these prayers could be pictures of God’s Kingdom coming and God’s will being done on earth as it is in heaven, the truth is, with the limited human understanding we have, we cannot comprehend what will bring God the most glory. While answering these prayers would certainly give God glory, there must be something that would display his power and might in an even more glorious way.

Even if God chose to heal, even if he chose to allow his Kingdom power to be displayed on earth as it is in heaven, prayers of healing are prayers that only offer temporary solutions to an eternal problem. The problem is sin and its affects.

God’s word has promised that the “wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23). If God would choose to heal one from cancer or depression or an some other dread disease or would adjust time so that the wreck was avoided or the tragedy did not occur, the truth is that death will still have its way at some point. The miracles we experience on earth are often temporary, with the exception of one.

The miracle of salvation is a miracle we can be sure will last into eternity, and it is a miracle that only God can offer. There is not a human being smart enough, holy enough, wise enough, talented enough, or obedient enough to work their way into God’s favor. It is only through his son, Jesus, this is possible. The miracle of salvation puts God’s power and might on display in a way that is greater than any other miracle he could perform.

God has promised that he “is able to save completely those who draw near to God” (Hebrews 7:25). He has promised, “that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). God “will not forsake his saints. They are preserved forever” (Psalm 37:28). He has promised that when we have “stood the test [we] will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12). When God welcomes his children home, it is the ultimate display of his power and might. He is the one who called them. He is the one who kept them. He is the one who had the holding power to bring them home. And he is the only one who can save.

I was longing to see God heal my son and when he chose not to do so here on earth, I felt deeply disappointed. The truth is, however, God was enacting a miracle before my very eyes; I just did not recognize it in the moment. The miracle I missed was that of God’s holding power to not only call Ezra to himself, but to keep him through the hardest trials his life could face. I wanted physical healing for my son, God gave his soul eternal salvation. I longed for a temporary fix to ease my sorrow; God gave so much more and I missed the miracle in the moment because it was not the one I wanted to see.

As I continue to grieve the loss of my son, I have found a lot of comfort in this realization. It was awful to watch his life slip away. It was terrible to see him lose his battle with cancer. It was never meant to be this way. It was certainly never meant to be that a parent should bury her child. It has been good for my heart to remember that even had Ezra been healed, even had God chosen to allow his Kingdom to come and his will be done on earth as it is in heaven, Ezra still would have had to face the effects of sin. He still would have died one day. Maybe it would not have been from cancer, but the promise of death would still have had its way with him. The answer to my pleas for healing would have been temporary solutions.

God offered something much more miraculous than healing to Ezra when he called him to himself. He gave him faith to hold him and salvation to keep him for eternity. He kept Ezra’s soul secure, even as his earthly body wasted away.

As his mom, I prayed for a temporary miracle; healing. As his Savior, God answered differently than I hoped, and yet his answer was full and eternal. Ezra will never again have to face the effects of sin. He will never again taste the sting of death. He ran his race. He finished well. I’m thankful for this reminder and the comfort it brings.