Faithful Paradox

A thing that, at times, has been difficult for me is learning to reconcile the truths of Scripture that I know are true because it’s God’s Word, yet have not seemed to be true or, at the very least, have not felt true in my experience. I recognize that my feelings and experiences have no impact on the truth of who God is, but despite this knowledge, I have still found a tension in my heart. I want to have a heart posture that quickly trusts the Lord at his word, yet at times, especially when facing grief and loss, it’s easy to feel confused about God’s promises to his children. The road from head knowledge to heart submission can be a long, arduous one.

Throughout Ezra’s illness, I clung to verses like Psalm 41:3, “The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed, in his illness, you will restore him to health.” Or Psalm 91:9-10, “If you say, ‘The Lord is my refuge’ and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.” I prayed these over Ezra, believed them with all faith, hoped in the Lord and in the end, felt deeply disappointed in God’s plan; deeply confused by his word.

How do I reconcile that God did not restore Ezra to health? Disaster came to his tent and harm overtook us. My head knows logically that these words from God are descriptive and not prescriptive promises to every believer, at least not on earth. If I’m honest, however, I have had times in which my heart has felt betrayed as I have struggled and grieved. It can also feel deeply discouraging to know that God’s promises will all be true one day, but to live with only a future hope can feel hard. Are there ways I can understand the promises of God to be true in this life? Or is it only a future hope? Is there comfort for today?

As I wrestle with and continue to try to press in on the word of God, I have found some moments of reconciliation when I begin to recognize that the promises of God, while not always experienced for our bodies here on earth, are always true for the soul. Because sin entered the world, our bodies, which were made to be eternal, began the very unnatural process of death and dying. It was never meant to be this way. The penalty of sin requires that our bodies face death, yet in Christ, God’s promises always remain true for our souls.

We see in Scripture when King David was at the end of his life, he told his wife, “As the Lord lives, who has redeemed my soul out of every adversity…” (1 Kings 1:29). At the end of his life, David was able to say that God had kept his soul safe. As his body faced the wasting effects of living on a sin-wrecked earth, he understood that God’s promises could be trusted for his soul.

While not profound, I have found great comfort in this small shift in thinking. It has helped me reconcile the things that have felt very confusing for me in God’s word. As I read the promises of Scripture, I read them through the lens of being true for the soul today. There are certainly times that we get to experience God’s promises for our bodies here on earth. One day in eternity, those of us in Christ will absolutely experience God’s restoration promises for our bodies. Today, we can find great comfort knowing that his promises prove true for our souls in this life.

As I think of the verses to which I clung, I find comfort knowing that the Lord sustained Ezra’s soul. As cancer destroyed his body, his soul was held fast and sustained by God. I clung to Psalm 41:3, “The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed, in his illness, you will restore him to health.” The Lord sustained his soul on his sickbed. God kept his promise.

I clung to Psalm 91:9-10, “If you say, ‘The Lord is my refuge’ and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.” No harm overtook Ezra’s soul. No disaster came to his soul. His faith was firmly rooted and planted in Jesus up until the moment he took his last breath. God sustained his faith. God held his soul fast. Although his body wasted away, his soul was secure. God kept his promise.

For me, reading Scripture through the lens of the soul has greatly helped me in my grief. I know that God’s word is true, but in my sorrow, there have been times it’s been hard to understand how it’s true. Reading God’s promises as always true for our souls in the moment and one day true for our bodies in eternity has helped me find more comfort in the promises of God found in Scripture. He holds our souls firmly even though our bodies face death and decay. One day, because of Christ, he will give us restored, resurrected bodies that no longer suffer the consequences of sin, but until then, our souls are secure.