Faithful Paradox

Scripture tells us that “without faith, it is impossible to please God” (Hebrews 11:6). What does this mean for the person who is battling doubt? I have had seasons where this verse has felt very heavy. I have experienced doubt and wrestled with the question of how do I struggle with doubt and still please God? I don’t want the doubt. There are times that I simply try to ignore it; shove it down and act as if it does not linger in my heart. The truth is, however, it’s there and when the pains of this world have come crashing down the doubt has not remain subdued.

We know that any favor we have from God is through Christ; that he has paid the price for our sin. Our standing remains sure before God even as we wrestle. Yet as one struggles with faith, the questions arise: Is it possible to wrestle with doubt and still please God? Can doubt and faith coexist?

I have written several times about my own struggle with doubt, defining doubt as a lack of confidence in God’s word. As one who has struggled and yet still believes, I think there is such a thing as hope-filled doubt.

The sorrows this world has offered have left me in a place where I have, at times, wrestled with feeling a lack of confidence in God’s word. I have struggled to believe God’s promises. I have had times I’ve felt disappointed with the story God has written. I have questioned his goodness and plans. I have even doubted my own salvation during a season in which I could not gain any measure of victory over the fear and anxiety that plagued me. Struggling with doubt has been a very real and very painful part of my story of faith.

In light of my own experiences, hearing from countless others, and through the narratives found in Scripture, I have come to believe that doubt is often a part of the life of faith. To know Christ is, at some point or another, to wrestle with his words. There are things that come into our lives that are so hard, painful, and confusing that it can lead some to wonder if God can be trusted, or at the very least, how can God’s words be true when our experience of him is so radically different than what we understand of him?

There are pains that occur that do not feel loving or kind. There are pieces of our stories that feel in conflict with that of a loving Father. There are losses we incur from which we never truly recover. There are sesons that we cannot reconcile how our circumstances could ever be good and this, at times, can lead some to doubt God, his character, or his word. As we look at God’s word, however, we can find comfort knowing that we are not alone as we struggle.

We see throughout the entirety of the Bible person after person that doubted God’s words. Eve doubted God and ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 3:6). Moses doubted God’s sufficiency (Ex 3:11-13, 4:1, 10, 13, Number 11:21-23). Gideon doubted God’s call on his life (Judges 6). Zechariah doubted God’s ability (Luke 1:18-20). The list could go on and on. The Bible is full of notable Biblical figures who experienced doubt in God. Abraham doubts God’s plan. David questions God. John the Baptist wonders if Jesus is the Messiah. The disciples doubt Christ’s resurrection.

At the same time, despite his doubt, Abraham’s faith is credited to him as righteousness (Gen. 15:6). David questions God, but is still called “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Sam. 13:14). John the Baptist is uncertain about Jesus, yet Jesus says “no one greater has arisen than John” (Matthew 11:11). Thomas doubts and yet Christ pursues him and invites him to touch him (John 20:24-31).

What we see over and over throughout the entirety of the Bible is that doubt is met with compassion and patience from God. There are times that those who are doubting are rebuked, “Oh you of little faith!” (Matthew 14:31), but they are met simultaneously with an exhortation towards belief. Could it be that in the life of a believer, doubt alone is not always an opposition to belief, but rather, it can at times be seen as an invitation to pursue deeper faith?

Could it be that when we find ourselves in a place of doubt, when we are struggling to believe God at his word, we too are met with compassion? I suspect that enduring faith is not actually marked by an absence of doubt, but rather true faith is marked by obedience despite the doubt that is sure to come.

We see in Scripture that it is when doubt leads to disobedience or ongoing unfaithfulness that God responds with correction and discipline. Often, however, when God’s people struggle with doubt, it seems that it can be an invitation to grow in faith, learning to trust God more deeply in the midst of uncertainty.

Eve’s doubt in God’s sufficiency led to her disobedience, which led to discipline (Genesis 3). Moses also doubted the sufficiency of God, yet Moses had questions for God and in his mercy, God called Aaron to walk along side Moses to help fulfill what God had called Moses to do (Exodus 3). One’s doubt led to disobedience and discipline. The other’s doubt led to a deeper understanding of God’s promise; where he leads, he will provide.

In this, I think we see that faith and doubt can coexist. It is possible to have both faith and doubt simultaneously. We believe and yet we struggle to believe. Our hearts resonate with the cry of the father in Mark 9, ” I believe, help my unbelief.”

It seems that it is not the doubt alone that brings about God’s displeasure as much as it is what we do with the doubt that arises. Disobedience that can flow from doubt opposes faith; it is an act of defiance against God. Wrestling with doubt, on the other hand, can be an act of faith when we are fighting to trust God despite our circumstances or feelings. Choosing obedience to God and his word, despite existing doubts, can be a beautiful, hard-fought act of surrender. When we wrestle we are met with compassion.

So what do we do when we find ourselves in a season we are struggling with doubt? How do we wrestle, struggle, and yet remain faithful? How do we walk in obedience even when doubts assail our hearts and minds? How can we walk through times of confusion and pain, loss and devastation, wrestling with what God says is true, struggling with doubt, and yet not allow that doubt to turn into disobedience or unbelief?

1.Recognize doubt is a part of faith

As I have wrestled with my own doubt, I have been encouraged over and over as I have read God’s word and see example after example of people who struggled as well. I see Moses questioning God and I see God’s patience with him. I see Zechariah doubting God’s ability to provide and I see God act despite Zechariah’s doubt. My faith has been buoyed reading God’s word. He could have given us pictures of people who “did it right”, but instead he gives us countless examples of those who doubted and were met with patience and grace. We can be assured we will be met with the same kind of love.

When doubts arise, do not give up. In God’s word you will find story after story of men and women who struggled to believe God at his word, yet remained faithful. Hebrews 11:1 says that, “faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things unseen.” Recognize that being unable to see or understand is actually a part of learning to trust God; it is faith itself.

2. Go to God’s Word

It seems counterintuitive, but the only place we can find answers to our doubt is in God’s word. It’s ironic to go to the place we are doubting to relieve our doubt, yet there is no other place to go. When Ezra was in the hospital for months, I spent every morning in the Gospels. I read about the life of Jesus over and over. I saw his compassion, his care, his tears, his humanity and I reminded myself again and again that Jesus is the “image of the invisible God” (Col. 1:15). It reminded me of what God is like, even if I could not seem to comprehend how that was true in my current circumstances.

Romans 10:17 says that, “faith comes from hearing the message.” When John the Baptist doubted who Jesus was, Jesus pointed him back to the Word, “Go back and report to John what you hear and see, the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor” (Matthew 11:5-6, cf Isaiah 35:4-6). It is the same for us. Faith comes from hearing the message of Christ.

3. Fight to Surrender

I will never understand why Ezra had to suffer as he did during his cancer journey. I will never understand why God held out what seemed like the hope of healing and then took Ezra home. These pieces remain unanswered, painful parts of my story that can, and have at times, easily led to doubt. At the same time, God is not a God who holds out hope and then rips it away. It’s not who God is. God is not a God who wastes anything, so there was purpose in Ezra’s suffering, even though I cannot understand it (Romans 8:28). I have had to reach a point of surrendering these pains to the character of God, knowing that I do not understand and yet in faith, I must trust who he says he is in the midst of that confusion. Oswald Chambers says that, “Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.” 

There are doubts that can lead to disobedience. There are doubts that can begin to undermine our faith, leading to unbelief. When we have questions that cannot be answered, we often come to a crossroads of faith. In these times, we must ask our own hearts, am I relying on God in faith, or am I relying on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:4-5)? There are things we will never understand. There are pieces of sorrow that will never make sense this side of heaven. There will be questions we must struggle to surrender and let go. This can feel deeply dissatisfying in the moment, but ultimately, God will meet you in that act of surrender.

4. God will hold you

Years ago, I shared some of my story with a friend from church; ugly pieces of my story where I have doubted and struggled with faith. When I finished, she very simply asked, “Why do you still believe?” I didn’t know how to answer that question other than to say, “I think it must be that God has held me. Outside of that, I don’t know.”

Even as you wrestle with God, know that he is holding you. There are times in which it may feel that you have no reason to believe, no reason to trust God, yet for some reason, you still do or at the very least, you long to trust him even as you struggle. When you are angry, hurt, and confused yet you still seek God, be encouraged to know that God is holding you, as he has promised. He will not let you go (Romans 8:38-39). Like Jacob, you may walk away from wrestling God with a limp, but that limp will remind you that God met you as you wrestled, but he did not let you go (Genesis 32).

If in your pain and doubt you have walked away, know with certainty that God is not finished writing your story. His grip is always strong enough, even if you think you have escaped his love.

5. Ask questions

Throughout the entirety of Scripture, we see God’s people asking questions of him. Recognize that having questions for God is not the same thing as having questions of God. I have struggled to believe that God is kind, despite knowing his word says over and over that he is kind. My temptation has been to question God, “How could you? I thought you were kind!” Rather than questioning God and his character, however, I have had to shift my questions to ones for God. I try to remind myself of who God is: “God, your word says you are kind. How can I see your kindness right now, despite the pain and sorrow I am enduring?”

God is not disappointed with you when you struggle with doubt. He is patient with your questions. Your standing is sure because of Christ. Keep seeking him and you will be met with compassion. It’s easy to believe the opposite. It’s easy to believe that God is disappointed with us as we struggle, but as you look to God’s word, you will be met with a very different story. God invites us to ask him questions (Isaiah 1:18, Phil 4:6). As you consider your own heart, are there ways you can turn your questions of God into questions for God?

6. Pray and repent

In my darkest moments of sorrow and doubt, prayer felt impossible. I would try to open my mouth to pray and find that words were literally clogged in my throat. I was hurt, angry, and confused. The sorrow and doubt of my circumstances meant my feelings and experiences felt louder and truer than any truth in God’s word. I felt abandoned by God. I didn’t want to talk to him. My experience led me to question God and his kindness. I knew the things I felt were contrary to God’s word, but that did not help my broken heart.

The only way I knew to pray was by reading the prayers of others. I took to reading prayers of the Puritans until I was able to pray my own words once again. Even reading those prayers felt cold and robotic most of the time, yet for me, it was an act of obedience in the midst of devastation. As I struggled, I repented of my doubt, anger, and unbelief as I could. It was not all at once, but bit by bit, God worked to tenderly shepherd and unravel my tangled, broken heart. It was a long process and yet God is faithful. He was compassionate with my pain and my doubt. He will be the same for you because it’s simply who he is.

If you find yourself struggling with doubt in this season, know that you stand among a great cloud of witnesses who struggled with the same and in the midst of all their stories, God remained faithful. There can be deep hope in the midst of the doubt you are experiencing. In your own wrestling, in your doubt, ask God to show you who he is and to help you remain obedient, even as you wrestle with what he is asking of you. Remain steadfast. Fight to trust that God will deliver you from doubt and he will hold you as you struggle. Your doubt does not have to lead to disobedience and unbelief. Your doubt can become a beautiful picture and story about your fight for enduring faith all pointing to the faithfulness of God in the midst of it.