Faithful Paradox

“When the feast was ended and they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know” (Luke 2:43). Jesus’ family traveled on for the entire day and did not notice he was missing from their group. Whether it was that they were traveling in a caravan or each parent assumed he was with the other is unclear, but Jesus’ family traveled on, unaware that Jesus was absent from their party. Once they realized he was gone, it took three days of searching to locate him (Luke 2:46).

I’ve thought often about this passage because if I’m honest, it has always felt to me that Jesus was pretty insensitive to leave and not tell his parents. It seems careless of him to simply vanish and make no mention of it to his mom and dad. He was young; only 12 years old, and he disappeared for days on end. It’s always been hard for me to reconcile Jesus’ actions. Had any other child who was not God, any other son, behaved similarly, he would have been worthy of censure. Yet because it was Jesus, we know that there was no sin on his part and there is far more to the story than a cursory read reveals.

As I think about this interaction between Jesus and his parents, I think there are five lessons we can take away when God’s plans leave us in a place of pain, uncertainty or questions.

1. God’s plans will often leave us in the dark

Jesus made plans to be in his Father’s house, unbeknownst to his parents. Joseph and Mary were left in the dark about Jesus’ plans to go to the temple. I don’t know why Jesus navigated his plans as he did, but it is clear that he left his parents in the dark about where he was going, which led to their distress.

There are times that God allows the same in our lives. I have had times where God’s plans have left me feeling totally in the dark. I have not understood what he is up to; even years past the event. While I can certainly see good that God has allowed to be drawn from the dark, the reality is that I have felt very confused, very distressed in the dark. We see that Jesus’ parents felt the same.

Simply because we feel in the dark does not necessarily indicate that we have missed God’s intent or plan. Rarely, if ever, are we privy to all of what God intends. In these moments that we feel we are in the dark about what God is up to, it will serve us well to remember that Jesus’ own parents felt this same distress, yet Christ’s plans were not outside of the will of his Father. It is the same for us.

2. There are times that God’s plans will leave us feeling hurt

When Mary found Jesus, she responded as any other mother would respond; she rebuked him. “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress” (Luke 2:48).

As I think about my own life, I’ve had the same question of Jesus that Mary had: Why have you treated me so? I have been in great distress. Why have you done that? I am hurting so deeply. Why have you allowed what you have? Why have you chosen what you did? Why God? It feels uncaring. It seems so insensitive.

While Mary was certainly responsible for her own reaction and response, the reality is that as a human, she was hurt by her son’s actions because she didn’t understand. I imagine she had hopes and expectations of how he would have treated her.

There are times that God’s plans will leave us feeling distressed because we don’t know what he is up to. There are times in which God’s plans will leave us feeling hurt. While I don’t believe God’s desire is to wound us, I do know that he is willing to do exactly that if it means our hearts are more tender toward him. He “[will tear] us, that he may heal us; he [will strike] us down, and he will bind us up” (Hosea 6:1). God will wound in order to heal. He is always at work and has promised to work all things for good, even if in the moment, the plans seem painful and confusing.

3. There are times that God’s ways seem confusing to us

Jesus could have laid out his plans to Mary and Joseph. He could have given them details of his plans and moved forward, but he didn’t. God knew that Jesus’ family would travel away and have to spend days searching for Jesus before they found him. All of this seems confusing and hard to understand. Why would God plan it out in such a way that Mary was left in distress, worried about her son? Why would he plan it out in such a way that Jesus was missing for days?

Again, God is not responsible for Mary’s reaction. Mary’s distress was her own. Yet Jesus could have made his plans in such a way that would have helped his mother feel less distress; but he didn’t.

I don’t know why Jesus planned as he did. It all seems rather confusing. Because it happened as it did, however, it was not outside the will of God, even if it didn’t make sense to Mary at the time.

We will have countless questions of why God planned or allowed things the way he did. There are times that we are deeply confused and God’s plans seem painful. We can be confident, even in the midst of these painful and confusing emotions, that God’s plan for our lives is good and that he has good in store, even if we are confused in the moment.

Maybe, in part, God was beginning to teach Mary and Joseph that Christ had to submit to his Heavenly Father and his plans before he submitted to his earthly parents. Maybe Mary and Joseph needed the lesson of learning to let go of the son they knew was not truly their own. I don’t know what God had for them, and I’m certain the plans of their son felt confusing to them. It will be the same for us at times, yet we can also be confident that God is at work bending our hearts to be more like his.

4. It’s okay to ask questions of God and tell him how we are feeling.

Mary’s words to Jesus seem reasonable and understandable. “Why have you treated us so?” She was hurt. She responded out of her fear and distress. She was left in the dark about her son’s plans. She certainly felt afraid when she couldn’t find him. She had every response a human mother could and should have when her child was missing. Yet even at 12, Jesus, her son, was still God. More important than submitting to his earthly parents, he had to submit to the authority of God.

Mary questioned her son’s plans. She questioned his care. In doing so, she was also questioning her God. I feel a lot of compassion for Mary. The God who spoke her into existence was also the one who submitted himself to her womb. It had to be incredibly difficult to be tasked with shepherding the Good Shepherd; parenting the Father of Life. Mary responded in her humanity when she rebuked her son in her fear and distress.

What we see from Jesus is that he does not rebuke her for fear. He is not offended by her censure. He simply engages her with questions, beckoning her to consider her own heart and fears in light of who he is. Could it be the same for us? Could it be that when we struggle with fear, when faith feels difficult, when we feel hurt by the plans of God, we are not rebuked either? Jesus knows that we are limited in our understanding of his plans. He didn’t rebuke his mother’s questions or fears. I think, at times, he does the same for us.

5. The answers we receive may not satisfy us.

When Mary rebuked Jesus and asked him why he had treated them so badly, he asked her, “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” (Luke 2:49). I can’t imagine that response satisfied Mary’s wounded heart. I imagine Mary would have liked more of an explanation from Jesus. I suspect she would have liked to understand his reasoning, his plans, his thought process. Jesus didn’t give her any of that. He simply told her where he needed to be; in his Father’s house.

Beyond that, it says that Mary and Joseph, “did not understand the saying that he spoke to them” (Luke 2:50). Jesus explained himself to his parents, yet in some ways, Jesus’s response created more questions than answers.

Often God does not give us answers to the things we are asking; especially the questions of “Why?” that plague our hearts. What we see from Mary’s question to Jesus is that even if we were to receive answers to our questions of why, we likely would still not understand what God is up to. His ways are unsearchable and his judgements are inscrutable (Romans 11:33).

There are times that God answers the questions of our hearts, yet often those answers do not actually satisfy us. They are answers that still leave us feeling confused or uncertain rather than affirming what we hope to learn. Jesus was not concerned with making sure his parents understood his reasoning. He was concerned with obeying his Heavenly Father.

We can be assured that God’s ways will be similar with us. There are times that God’s plans can leave us feeling in the dark, confused, hurt, distressed and full of questions. As we wrestle with these things, we can also be sure that Jesus will deal tenderly with us as we struggle to trust that his plans are good. He was patient with his mother, allowing her to question and wrestle with his plans when she felt left in the dark. I think he will do the same for us.