Child Loss and Faith
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The Tension of Grief in Moments of Joy
Raising five boys, there was never a loss of brotherly competition or rivalry in our home. There was always an effort between the boys to show who was king for the day. When my kids were young, this dynamic was especially present during times when one of the boys had the opportunity to shine. When… Continue reading
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The Melody of Sorrow
Yesterday would have been Ezra’s 22nd birthday. In many ways, 22 years seems inconsequential. It’s just another number; another date on the calendar. Yet as I watch his friends, I see them graduating college. I see them finding their first full time jobs and stepping into new seasons. I see them marrying and launching into… Continue reading
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Ten Ways I’ve Seen Good After Loss
I am learning that looking for good in the midst of loss is a discipline in humility. It comes with a willingness to see the good work God is up to, even as the pain remains. He has promised that “all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose”… Continue reading
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The Grief I Did Not Know
There are parts of grief I thought I understood yet now realize I did not know as much as I believed. Before losing my son, I understood cognitively that loss changes a person. How could it not? Having a masters in counseling, I even studied grief and its effect on people. I understood as much… Continue reading
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My Boast Today
My husband developed a migraine on Sunday afternoon. Despite multiple rounds of medication, sleep, and doing his best to treat it, the pain would not subside. He struggled through the night, still battling extreme pain Monday morning. When I awoke and saw the state he was in, I stopped and prayed for him, asking with… Continue reading
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The Breath of Comfort
I felt the heaviness of sorrow and grief once again this past weekend. I think I cried more in the last three days then I have cried in the last several months combined. The overwhelming ache of missing my son came rushing back. In some ways, I found myself feeling confused about why this was… Continue reading
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The Day Between Loss and Glory
Easter weekend has always been one of contemplation for me; and much more so over the last three years as we continue to navigate what life is like after the death of our eldest son, Ezra. I often think about Friday and Christ’s crucifixion; the incredible sacrifice he made for sinners like me. I love… Continue reading
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Surrendering to Kindness
I was at our small group a few weeks back and the question was asked, “How does your heart feel toward God?” The word that immediately came to mind for me was guarded. As I truly consider my heart, there is a guardedness within me. It’s not anger. It’s not really doubt. It’s not disbelief.… Continue reading
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The Grief Ambush
We recently watched a documentary as a family about Liverpool Football Club. Liverpool was Ezra’s favorite team; he followed them and cheered them on with every fiber of his being. Afterward, my husband expressed that somehow, watching the documentary stirred sadness in him. I’m not sure if it was just the reminder of Ezra’s love… Continue reading
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Fruit Takes Time
We planted a peach tree at the back of our yard years ago. I bought it at the end of the growing season one year. It was a tiny stick in a pot of dirt; maybe 6 inches tall with a couple of measly shoots (even sadder than Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree). I knew its… Continue reading