Child Loss and Faith
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The Cyclical Nature of Grief
I find my heart is in a very sensitive space these days. Next week will close out 4 years now without Ezra. As I stepped into September, I felt a heaviness settling in; a sense of tender grief stirring once again. Grief is strange because in many ways, not only do you grieve what was… Continue reading
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Healing Is A Process
The end of this month, September 29, will mark the close of four years now without Ezra. In many ways, four years feels accurate. In other ways, it feels surreal, like it’s been half that time. I wrote last week about what healing has looked like for me; that although it has no metric, there… Continue reading
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There Is No Metric for Healing
After my post last week about my own healing which came rather quietly, I had someone reach out and ask what healing has looked like for me. I appreciated the question. It provided the opportunity for some introspection; what does it mean to actually heal after loss? It’s challenging to consider because healing doesn’t always… Continue reading
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Healing Came Quietly
When we first lost our 18 year old son to cancer, the grief was so acute, so intense, I was unsure I would ever heal. I could not fathom a day when the pain did not feel crushing. I could not grasp a time would come where I did not feel overwhelmed with sorrow. Those… Continue reading
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The Joy I Took for Granted
We took our younger two sons for an overnight stay in Denver last week. We tried to find some fun with them, saying “yes” as often as we could. We rode scooters through the city streets, swam, ate delicious food, shopped, and spent some time at a driving range. It was sweet to be together.… Continue reading
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When Grief Becomes Identity
I had someone recently ask, “Do you think grief can become an idol?” My gut reaction was, “Yes, of course!” As Calvin stated, our hearts are idol factories. As I have chewed on this question over the last several days, I actually think the answer is much more layered. Long before grief becomes an idol,… Continue reading
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I Thought Healing Would Look Different
Had someone asked me 4 years ago, “how long do you think you could write about grief?” I imagine my answer would have been maybe for a year or two. I had no category for how long it takes to work through the layers of pain and loss. I had no concept of the difficult… Continue reading
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Six Ways to Shepherd Our Children Through Pain
I have a son who survived an oftentimes fatal, catastrophic pediatric seizure disorder as a baby. The disorder caused brain damage, developmental disabilities, and he has struggled with seizures now for 16 years. After a particularly terrible seizure last week, one of his brothers sat in my room in tears. He was unable to sleep… Continue reading
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The Tension of Grief in Moments of Joy
Raising five boys, there was never a loss of brotherly competition or rivalry in our home. There was always an effort between the boys to show who was king for the day. When my kids were young, this dynamic was especially present during times when one of the boys had the opportunity to shine. When… Continue reading
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The Melody of Sorrow
Yesterday would have been Ezra’s 22nd birthday. In many ways, 22 years seems inconsequential. It’s just another number; another date on the calendar. Yet as I watch his friends, I see them graduating college. I see them finding their first full time jobs and stepping into new seasons. I see them marrying and launching into… Continue reading