Grief
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The Cyclical Nature of Grief
I find my heart is in a very sensitive space these days. Next week will close out 4 years now without Ezra. As I stepped into September, I felt a heaviness settling in; a sense of tender grief stirring once again. Grief is strange because in many ways, not only do you grieve what was… Continue reading
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Healing Is A Process
The end of this month, September 29, will mark the close of four years now without Ezra. In many ways, four years feels accurate. In other ways, it feels surreal, like it’s been half that time. I wrote last week about what healing has looked like for me; that although it has no metric, there… Continue reading
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Healing Came Quietly
When we first lost our 18 year old son to cancer, the grief was so acute, so intense, I was unsure I would ever heal. I could not fathom a day when the pain did not feel crushing. I could not grasp a time would come where I did not feel overwhelmed with sorrow. Those… Continue reading
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The Tension of Grief in Moments of Joy
Raising five boys, there was never a loss of brotherly competition or rivalry in our home. There was always an effort between the boys to show who was king for the day. When my kids were young, this dynamic was especially present during times when one of the boys had the opportunity to shine. When… Continue reading
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The Melody of Sorrow
Yesterday would have been Ezra’s 22nd birthday. In many ways, 22 years seems inconsequential. It’s just another number; another date on the calendar. Yet as I watch his friends, I see them graduating college. I see them finding their first full time jobs and stepping into new seasons. I see them marrying and launching into… Continue reading
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Ten Ways I’ve Seen Good After Loss
I am learning that looking for good in the midst of loss is a discipline in humility. It comes with a willingness to see the good work God is up to, even as the pain remains. He has promised that “all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose”… Continue reading
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The Grief I Did Not Know
There are parts of grief I thought I understood yet now realize I did not know as much as I believed. Before losing my son, I understood cognitively that loss changes a person. How could it not? Having a masters in counseling, I even studied grief and its effect on people. I understood as much… Continue reading
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My Boast Today
My husband developed a migraine on Sunday afternoon. Despite multiple rounds of medication, sleep, and doing his best to treat it, the pain would not subside. He struggled through the night, still battling extreme pain Monday morning. When I awoke and saw the state he was in, I stopped and prayed for him, asking with… Continue reading
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Surrendering to Kindness
I was at our small group a few weeks back and the question was asked, “How does your heart feel toward God?” The word that immediately came to mind for me was guarded. As I truly consider my heart, there is a guardedness within me. It’s not anger. It’s not really doubt. It’s not disbelief.… Continue reading
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The Grief Ambush
We recently watched a documentary as a family about Liverpool Football Club. Liverpool was Ezra’s favorite team; he followed them and cheered them on with every fiber of his being. Afterward, my husband expressed that somehow, watching the documentary stirred sadness in him. I’m not sure if it was just the reminder of Ezra’s love… Continue reading