loss
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10 Things That Are Different Than What I Expected
Originally posted February 25, 2025 As I continue to walk this unexpected, undesired road of loss, there continue to be things I simply did not understand or expect. I have written previously about things I thought I knew that I simply did not know; or at least I did not understand it to the depth… Continue reading
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The Cyclical Nature of Grief
I find my heart is in a very sensitive space these days. Next week will close out 4 years now without Ezra. As I stepped into September, I felt a heaviness settling in; a sense of tender grief stirring once again. Grief is strange because in many ways, not only do you grieve what was… Continue reading
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Healing Is A Process
The end of this month, September 29, will mark the close of four years now without Ezra. In many ways, four years feels accurate. In other ways, it feels surreal, like it’s been half that time. I wrote last week about what healing has looked like for me; that although it has no metric, there… Continue reading
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There Is No Metric for Healing
After my post last week about my own healing which came rather quietly, I had someone reach out and ask what healing has looked like for me. I appreciated the question. It provided the opportunity for some introspection; what does it mean to actually heal after loss? It’s challenging to consider because healing doesn’t always… Continue reading
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Healing Came Quietly
When we first lost our 18 year old son to cancer, the grief was so acute, so intense, I was unsure I would ever heal. I could not fathom a day when the pain did not feel crushing. I could not grasp a time would come where I did not feel overwhelmed with sorrow. Those… Continue reading
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When Grief Becomes Identity
I had someone recently ask, “Do you think grief can become an idol?” My gut reaction was, “Yes, of course!” As Calvin stated, our hearts are idol factories. As I have chewed on this question over the last several days, I actually think the answer is much more layered. Long before grief becomes an idol,… Continue reading
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I Thought Healing Would Look Different
Had someone asked me 4 years ago, “how long do you think you could write about grief?” I imagine my answer would have been maybe for a year or two. I had no category for how long it takes to work through the layers of pain and loss. I had no concept of the difficult… Continue reading
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The Grief I Did Not Know
There are parts of grief I thought I understood yet now realize I did not know as much as I believed. Before losing my son, I understood cognitively that loss changes a person. How could it not? Having a masters in counseling, I even studied grief and its effect on people. I understood as much… Continue reading
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Surrendering to Kindness
I was at our small group a few weeks back and the question was asked, “How does your heart feel toward God?” The word that immediately came to mind for me was guarded. As I truly consider my heart, there is a guardedness within me. It’s not anger. It’s not really doubt. It’s not disbelief.… Continue reading
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Five Lessons In Loss
We went out to dinner the Friday before Christmas in order to celebrate. My boys had just finished another semester of school. They endured finals and persevered through them. One of my boys made some significant strides in personal discipline and fortitude. It was Advent. Christmas was days away. Despite the sorrow that still walks… Continue reading