Faith after loss
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Healing Is A Process
The end of this month, September 29, will mark the close of four years now without Ezra. In many ways, four years feels accurate. In other ways, it feels surreal, like it’s been half that time. I wrote last week about what healing has looked like for me; that although it has no metric, there… Continue reading
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There Is No Metric for Healing
After my post last week about my own healing which came rather quietly, I had someone reach out and ask what healing has looked like for me. I appreciated the question. It provided the opportunity for some introspection; what does it mean to actually heal after loss? It’s challenging to consider because healing doesn’t always… Continue reading
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My Boast Today
My husband developed a migraine on Sunday afternoon. Despite multiple rounds of medication, sleep, and doing his best to treat it, the pain would not subside. He struggled through the night, still battling extreme pain Monday morning. When I awoke and saw the state he was in, I stopped and prayed for him, asking with… Continue reading
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The Breath of Comfort
I felt the heaviness of sorrow and grief once again this past weekend. I think I cried more in the last three days then I have cried in the last several months combined. The overwhelming ache of missing my son came rushing back. In some ways, I found myself feeling confused about why this was… Continue reading
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The Day Between Loss and Glory
Easter weekend has always been one of contemplation for me; and much more so over the last three years as we continue to navigate what life is like after the death of our eldest son, Ezra. I often think about Friday and Christ’s crucifixion; the incredible sacrifice he made for sinners like me. I love… Continue reading
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Surrendering to Kindness
I was at our small group a few weeks back and the question was asked, “How does your heart feel toward God?” The word that immediately came to mind for me was guarded. As I truly consider my heart, there is a guardedness within me. It’s not anger. It’s not really doubt. It’s not disbelief.… Continue reading
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The Grief Ambush
We recently watched a documentary as a family about Liverpool Football Club. Liverpool was Ezra’s favorite team; he followed them and cheered them on with every fiber of his being. Afterward, my husband expressed that somehow, watching the documentary stirred sadness in him. I’m not sure if it was just the reminder of Ezra’s love… Continue reading
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Fruit Takes Time
We planted a peach tree at the back of our yard years ago. I bought it at the end of the growing season one year. It was a tiny stick in a pot of dirt; maybe 6 inches tall with a couple of measly shoots (even sadder than Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree). I knew its… Continue reading
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Five Lessons In Loss
We went out to dinner the Friday before Christmas in order to celebrate. My boys had just finished another semester of school. They endured finals and persevered through them. One of my boys made some significant strides in personal discipline and fortitude. It was Advent. Christmas was days away. Despite the sorrow that still walks… Continue reading